Friday, December 28, 2012

2012 Break-Up Round-Up

Another year, another bunch of celebrity relationships take a dive. This is my 2012 "best of" round-up in case you missed the really important news...

Model Heidi Klum and Grammy award-winning singer Seal, who we all thought were rock solid split up in January, I mean, doesn't it feel like yesterday?

The most Newly Eligible Bacholor break-up award goes to Johnny Depp after his split with Vanessa Paradis.  Anyone snag him yet? Doesn't he look like George Harrison in this photo? I smell a biopic...

Creepiest Creep award goes to Hugh Heffner's allegedly abusive son, Marston, who split from Playmate Claire Sinclair. Just ew.

We were all shocked and stunned to read the reports of the split of Bevery Hills 90210's Jennie Garth & Twilight's Peter Facinelli. Stunned.

The most Obvious We KNEW It Was Coming break-up award goes to.......Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, we were routing for you Katie, glad you escaped unscathed with your kid! (I am currently writing the screenplay for the Scientology version of "Not Without My Daughter.")

In the What Broke Our Hearts the Most file...Will Arnett and Amy Poehler & Danny DeVito and Rhea Pearlman - a moment please...

In the we're waiting file: Will & Jada y'all, we're waiting!!  They're not REALLY a couple are they?

Thank you for reading, laughing and reporting on this most ridiculous (yet very important) blog. Everyone at the ITTKWGMI offices wishes you all peace and good health in 2013.

And download my track in aid of Jack & Jill if you haven't yet.  If you love this blog, which I know you do, throw a few bucks their way, it's a good cause and giving makes your heart grow and puts hair on your chest.   

Bethenny Never After...

I was just saying the other day while watching their train-wreck of a reality show Bethenny Ever After (or whatever it's called) that I should start writing this blog entry, because it was inevitable. Well, here I am a day late and a dollar short (make that a few dollars, how can I parlay this blog into cash again?)  Bethenny Frankel (former Real Housewife of NY-turned talk show host) and Jason Hoppy (now former husband of Real Housewife of NY) have officially split. How will they split up the gazillions of dollars made off her Skinny Girl brand? Hopefully Jason gets a few shekels in the end. I really thought those kids were gonna make it.

Thanks to my Senior Pre-Xmas Eve Informant in Philadelphia for the news tip that I'm finally getting to posting.

Saturday, December 1, 2012

What I'm Doing Right...

Taking a break from our regularly scheduled break-up to let you know that I've released a new single today, "What I'm Doing Right" in aid of the Irish charity Jack & Jill. Produced by the amazing Duncan Maitland.

Please download and donate at:

                                                         Thanks for your support! XOXO

Friday, November 30, 2012

She Won't Always Love Him....

Well she's back to just loving him like a brother, Whitney's daughter Bobbi Kristina has split from what is basically her stepbrother Nick Gordon. Cue poor Whitney rolling in her grave like a rotisserie chicken, mmmmmm chicken . However, we all thought those kids were gonna make it for sure!

Thanks to my ever vigilant Senior Incest-ish Correspondent in Philly for the tip!

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Transformers: Revenge of the Girlfriend...

Shia LaBeouf and girlfriend of 2 years, stylist Karolyn Pho, have split. Apparently she was not happy with his "real-life" sex scenes in an upcoming movie he's in called Nymphomaniac. (See, he's not as Shia to be in LeBeouf as we thought! Come on!)  I really thought those kids were gonna make it.

Friday, November 23, 2012


According to the opening of her reality show that I never (always) watch, she's a model AND a mogul (and from STL-- heyyyy shout out to my sister's hometown yo). Kimora Lee Simmons has finally confirmed via tweet, that her husband, actor Djimon Hounsou (Blood Diamonds) and she have separtated after more than 5 years together!  I really thought those well coiffed kids were gonna make it.

Thanks to my Senior Asian-African-Hottie Relationship Correspondent in Clonsilla, for the hot tip!

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Petals off this Blossom...

Just when I thought I could go to sleep, this late breaking news tip came in!  Our own little Blossom, Mayim Bialik and her very Jewy husband Michael Stone, are splitting after 9 years.  She's still breastfeeding him, so it will be a wean, rather than an actual divorce. I really thought those kids were gonna make it.

Thanks for this very early tip from my Senior Orthodox-McJewy-Boobs Correspondent in Connecticut.

Danica Patrick Waves Checkered Flag...

NASCAR star Danica Patrick and husband Paul Hospenthal are calling it a day after seven years of marriage.  She's worth $18-million so I'm assuming he'll be steering his lawyer into a pile of cash.  I really thought those kids were gonna make it.

Thanks to my Senior Race Car Driver-Physical Therapist Relationship Correspondent in St Louis for the tip.

Saturday, November 10, 2012

Baby, Baby, Baby Awwwwwww....

Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez have called it quits. So teens and cougars alike can get back to business trying to win his heart and his hair.  I really thought those actual kids were gonna make it.

Sunday, November 4, 2012

Leo's Back Baby...

Ok, after a brief mid-term break we're back, and this time it's personal.

First things first, ladies line up because Leonardo DiCaprio is available again!  He and Victoria's Secret model Erin Heatherton have pulled the plug on their yearish long relationship.

Thanks to my Senior Actor-Who-Only-Dates-Models Correspondent in Philly for that one!

Forever Desperate, Eva Longoria and Jets quarterback Mark Sanchez have ended it. Can't a pretty Latina keep a boyfriend? WTF?

Twighlight person, Ashley Greene and Broadway star Reeve Carney are dunzo. No further information about these young, pretty now available people.

After a year long post Sean Penn relationship, Scarlett Johansson is also back on the market after a confirmed split from New York City ad executive Nate Naylor.

Electropop Royal Wedding singer Ellie Goulding has ended her seven month relationship with dubstep boyfriend, Skrillex, who we refer to as Speccy Mc4Eyed Uber Geek with Stupid Name.  Long distance white people's problems.

Emily Maynard and Jef Holm terminated their engagement and have broken up. I think she's from the Bachelorette, but I'm just too lazy to Google it.

Katie Price - Katie Price and Leandro Penna at the Cheltenham Festival

Model Leandro Penna has claimed he dumped Katie Price because she is crazy.  He reportedly said her, "brain is not wired right, or the wires don't connect properly."  We've given him the advice to turn her off and turn her back on again to see if that gets rid of the problem.

I really, truly thought all these kids were gonna make it.

I'm glad that the states affected by hurricane Sandy are getting back on their feet. A Jersey shore girl myself I had a hard time tearing myself away from the internet to see the devastation. It was just unreal.  If you haven't already, please consider making a donation, the Red Cross is a great place to start.  XOXOXO

Thursday, October 25, 2012

A Swift Exit...

Well, my friends talked to her friends, who talked to my friends, who talked to me, and we now know that Taylor Swift (22) is never, ever, ever-- getting back together with Conor ("Yes he's a") Kennedy (18).  It happened a month ago and was due to "a distance thing."  And just so you know, every time she breaks up with someone, Imma have to quote that song, I'm contractually obliged.  I really thought those kids were gonna make it.

Thanks to my hard working Senior Country-Pop-Crossover-American-Royalty Correspondent in SOUTH (Not North as I mistakenly reported yesterday) Jewsey for this late breaking news tip.

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Creepy Simpson's Parents Split...

Awww, even the parents of reality stars get divorced. Tina and Joe Simpson, parents to Jessica and Ashlee are calling it quits after 34 mo-fo years! (They both look pretty fab, eh?) Joe's  still dealing with his DUI issues from earlier this year and the split is apparently amicable, so, that's that! I really thought those celebrity adjacent kids were gonna make it.

Thanks to my Senior Parent Break-Up Correspondent in North Jewsey for the tip!

Saturday, October 20, 2012

Harry Potter & the Chamber of Secrets...

After 2 and a half years, Daniel Radcliffe has split from girlfriend Rosie Coker, apparently she was playing with someone else's magic wand or did he cheat on her? I'm sure his money and he will find a new lady friend soon. I really thought those kids were gonna make it.

Thanks to my Senior Wizardry Correspondent in Philadelphia for the tip!

Sunday, October 14, 2012


As per the Sydney Morning Herald, reports are in that Russell Crowe has split from his wife of 9 years, musician Danielle Spencer.  The split was supposedly amicable and we can't confirm or deny rumours that the purpose-built chapel at Crowe's farm in Nana Glen, near Coffs Harbour in Australia, where they were married in April, 2003 is currently being transformed into a practice space for his crappy band 30 Odd Foot of Grunts - kill us all.  I really thought those kids were gonna make it.

Thanks to my always on the scene Senior Australian Pugilist Actor Correspondent in Laguna Beach for the early news tip.

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Post Devito/Perlman Round-Up...

Serious round-up here. I could have written about all of these the other day, but I was just too broken up about Danny & Rhea, so here's more very important break-up news for you to digest...

Deborah Kaplan Breckin Meyer Premiere Of Warner Bros. "Ghosts Of Girlfriends Past" - Arrivals

Breckin Meyer (star of such hit movies as Road Trip and Garfield) and his wife of almost 11 years, Deborah Kaplan (the other one, not my sister-in-law), have moved to Splittsville.  Hopefully she won't Bash his Franklin too badly in the settlement.

Actors we don't recognize Teresa Palmer (I Am Number Four) and Scott Speedman (Last Resort) split up at the end of the summer. We're sad for these very good looking people. I sure hope that's them in the photo above because I have no idea who they are. Me thinks their hearts will go on.

Apparently musicians Katy Perry and Smarmy Mc Doucherson John Mayer were on again and are now off again. I don't feel sorry for either of them do you?

Dominic Purcell Actress AnnaLynne McCord and Dominic Purcell attend Eva Minge Spring Summer 2012 fashion show at Good Units at Hudson Hotel on September 10, 2011 in New York City.

Making her 2nd appearance on the ol' blog, new Beverly Hills 90210 star AnnaLynne McCord (25) and Dominic Purcell (42) have ended their relationship of which I know nothing about, I just report the news here people.  

11 months after he popped the question in Switzerland, The Bachelor's Ben Flajnik and Courtney Robertson have split. (I've got my hands on my cheeks a la Macauley Culkin's Home Alone Face right now because I had such high hopes for this reality couple of a show with such a low success rate that I don't watch.)

Lastly, 24-year old model Karrueche Tran and Rhianna-beating singer Chris Brown have split after a year long relationship. Also, let's not fail to mention the reports that Brown and Rhianna are dating again, oy vey, can a sister pick a less bruisey boyfriend FFS?

I really thought all these kids were gonna make it, really, I did.

Monday, October 8, 2012

Love Died Today or Everything is NOT Sunny...

What can we say here at the offices of ITTKWGMI? We are gutted to hear the news that the couple who donned our Facebook page as the couple who were rock solid, are splitting--a moment of silence please for Rhea Perlman and Danny DeVito.  30 years, 3 kids--we salute them.  I really thought those diminutive kids were gonna make it.

Thanks to my Senior Munchkin Correspondent in Haddonfield, NJ for the late breaking newstip. (With reports spilling in from around the globe, thank you all for your crack reporting and to my Senior Pun Correspondent in Philadelphia for pointing out the MOST obvious).

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Lights Out for Elektra...

Can a sistah keep a fiance? Carmen Elektra has split from her man, rock guitarist, Rob Patterson. He supposedly moved out months ago and now she's apparently dating Simon Cowell. (We'll see them here soon). ANYWAY, I really thought those exotic kids were gonna make it.

In non-hottie news, Ex-NY Governor David Patterson is splitting from his wife of 19 years Michele.  (For those of you not up on your NY Governor history, he's the guy who took over after the Eliot Spitzer scandel.)  I really thought those kids were gonna make it.

Thanks to my Senior Politician Break-Up Correspondent in Maryland for the crack reporting.

Saturday, September 29, 2012

Back to his Single Roots...

65 year old actor Ben Vereen and his wife of 36 years Nancy Bruner Vereen separated in March but this week officially filed for divorce!  I guess he'll be dancing and singing his way into a new lady's heart soon. Sorry people, I got nothing. And since I couldn't find a single pic of him with his wife on the interwebs, I thought you could enjoy this classic shot of him and Emmanuel Lewis --TV's Webster! I really thought those kids were gonna make it.

Thursday, September 20, 2012

Stoney Street of Separation...

Well my favourite TV gay, Eric Stonestreet (Modern Family) has broken up with his heterosexual partner, Broadway actress, Katherine Tokarz. Well a few months ago actually, but we're only finding out about it today because we happened to be watching E-news. ANYWAY, Eric is apparently single and ready to mingle.  I really thought those real life non-gay kids were gonna make it.

Chris Zylka (The Secret Code) and Lucy Hale (Pretty Little Liars), 2 Hollywood youngins have split up. Now she's not all that bitter, but Chris, oh Chris, me thinks you will regret this Tweet: 

"Don't have a girlfriend -- she decided she was too good, Never any disrespect towards anyone. Only if you say what you say you should stick to it. If you say you love then love."  He has since apologized for said Tweet, but thanks to the magic of the interwebs, he'll never have to forget it.  I really thought those good looking and actual kids were gonna make it.

Lastly, and certainly leastly, reality TV fodder, Charlie and Kenya Bell have divorced. She is no longer a VH1 Basketball Wife. I am so bored I can't even finish this sen...

I really thought those fit kids were gonna make it.

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

UPDATED: Ladies....Start Your Engines!

UPDATE: Apparently they are denying this rumour (which is why I shouldn't write these damn things until George rings me directly.) ANYWAY, we will all wait patiently for the inevitable, we'll wait.

Forever five o'clock shadowed bachelor number 1 George Clooney has reportedly split from former wrestler Stacey Keibler because he doesn't want to settle down, duh. Apparently she couldn't keep him in that Half-Nelson lock.You know I don't usually report until I've got official word, but me thinks it's safe to say Clooney's single again and Stacey is now famous, Do you think my husband would mind if I took a little solo trip to Lake Como?  I really thought those beautiful kids were gonna make it.

Sunday, September 9, 2012

Shortlist yo....

Yeah, that's right, this hub of important news is over the moon that they like us, they really like us!  Blog Awards Irelands has Shortlisted ITTKWGMI in both Popculture and Humour categories! Thanks so much to you awesome folks who nominated your favourite single subject news source!  We walk a little taller today. And check out THIS brilliant blog I discovered on the list, his dedication to the potato chip knows no bounds.

Friday, September 7, 2012

Parks and Separation...

After 9 years of what the world thought was rock solid, best-friend-like true love, we here at ITTKWGMI are so very sad to report the split of Amy Poehler and Will Arnett. I know I've said it before, but there truly are no words, I thought those awesome kids were gonna make it.

Thanks to the overnight report from my Senior Champion-Comedy-Couples Correspondent in Brooklyn.

Friday, August 24, 2012

Fizzled Fireworks...

Did you know Katy Perry was dating John Mayer and his late 90's Soul Asylum hairdo? I sho' didn't! (Why did I think she was dating a different guitar player?) Anyways, they're history. I really thought those kids, neither of which clearly need any more media attention, were gonna make it.

Thursday, August 23, 2012

No More Sex in the West Wing...

Ok first of all, I had no idea these two were even an item, but breaking news -- Kristin Davis has split from Aaron Sorkin because of their busy lives. They'd only been dating since May but I really thought those kids were gonna make it. And all I really have to say directly to Kristin (cause you KNOW celebrities come here first for their own break-up confirmation) is dayum girl you look good at 47.

Saturday, August 18, 2012

Nobody Scores...

Back from our summer hols to report some break-up news, here we go...

Jenny McCarthy and Brian Urlacher split
Pretty, funny and seemingly eternally single, Jenny McCarthy and Chicago Bears linebacker, Brian Urlacher have split. Who's up next for m'lady? We'll see them here soon I guess. I really thought those boobs were gonna make it.
So after I googled who these people were, I was able to write this laughless paragraph.  Evelyn Lozada and Chad "Ochocinco" Johnson are now ovah (41 days after they were married, take that Kim K!) She is the star of "Basketball Wives," and Imma assume he's a basketball player. Ok, I'm back again from google, he's a football player. So why is she the star of Basketball Wives? I've run out of time to spend on this entry. So let's just say a couple of sports related pretty people have ended their relationship.  I really thought those kids were gonna make it
Thanks to my tireless Senior Reality-Sports-Related-Break-Ups Correspondent in STL for the tip.

In other pretty-people-sports-related break-up news, actress Willa Ford and former hockey player Mike Modano have filed for divorce after 5 years of marriage and no high-sticking.  I really thought those fit kids were gonna make it.

And OH! I missed one! Celebrity big brother of  newly engaged Miley, Trace Cyrus, has split from actress Brenda Song (The Social Network) after 2 years of dating bliss.  I really thought those some-what-bodies were gonna make it.

Friday, August 3, 2012

He Just Called...To Say...It's Over...

Stevie Wonder (62) has signed, sealed and delivered his divorce papers from his fashion designer wife Kai Millard Morris (who he had been living separately from since 2009).  Even a blind man could see this would end up in ebony and alimony. I really thought those kids were gonna make it.

Ex-Poison front man Bret Michaels (49) has ended his 16-year relationship with his baby mama Kristi Gibson. It took him that long to realize she was the thorn.  I really thought those kids were gonna make it.

Thanks to my diligent Senior Hair Band Correspondent in Delgany, who revealed that Michaels went to her rival high school back in PA and Poison played her roller rink, that my friend is reporting.

Daughter of Whitney Houston, Bobbi Kristina, and "adopted" brother Nick Gordon have called off their engagement, although it is reported that they are still living together, so we're on alert here people. Say a little prayer for these kids.