Friday, December 30, 2011

No More Fireworks...


F*&k sake people, I thought I was done for the year! I mean seriously.  My Senior I-Told-You-So Relationship Correspondent in St Louis tried to get me to prepare this blog entry several days ago, but I don't believe it until the Associated Press makes it true.  "Actor" Russell Brand and pop songstress Katy Perry have called it quits. I really thought those silly kids were gonna make it.


Thanks to my Senior British-American Correspondent in Philadelphia for the heads up.

Let's get the Auld Lang Syne in without another break-up PLEASE!

Low Note for Mezzo Soprano...


The break-up gods have hit again, one last time I hope for 2011.  It is over when the thin pretty lady sings, opera singer Katherine Jenkins has split from TV host Gethin Jones after 4 years.  That's a lot of hat for one blog entry. I really thought those Welsh were gonna make it. 

While I'm here, Happy New Year my friends! See you on the other side!

XOXO

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

A Break Up With Grace...


Oy vey and on Hanukkah no less.  Actress Debra Messing has split from hubby of 10 years Daniel Zelman.  They parted ways amicably earlier this year yet still live together to take care of their 7 year old son. I really thought those Jews were gonna make it.


Thanks to my Senior Hanukkah-Related-BreakUp-Correspondent in South Philly Yo.

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Blockbuster Breakup...

End of an era: The couple who have two adult children together managed almost 30 years together

Well, the cat is out of the bag almost 2 years after their split, it's been confirmed that playwright Sam Sheppard and actress Jessica Lange are no more.  Together since 1982, they decided not to make the news public until now, she has stated they are both pursuing independent lives.  I really thought those ol' kids were gonna make it.


Thanks to my Senior Wait-Until-the-End-of-the-Year-To-Actually-Publish-Your-End-of-the-Year-Wrap-Up Correspondent in sunny Kilcoole for the early morning newstip.

Monday, December 19, 2011

Oh No, Bono, No Go...


Breaking news people! Reports are in that Chaz Bono is no longer with his fiance Jennifer Elia.  Together since 1999, they recently got engaged on the reality show "Becoming Chaz." Pleeeeeease let this show come to Ireland. I really thought those kids were gonna make it.



Thanks to my uber aware Senior Cher's Kid Correspondent in Philadelphia.

Touchdownandout...


Just when I thought it was safe to post the end of the year wrap up, another athlete (surprise) is ending his marriage.  Former NFL player and sports commentator Deion Sanders has filed for divorce of his wife of 12 years Pilar.  Apparently the rumours of their split started in September. Maybe Kobe Bryant's news yesterday gave him the chutzpah to announce his own official split.  I really thought those kids were gonna make it.


Thanks to my Senior Idiot Athlete Correspondent in NJ for the overnight tip.

Sunday, December 18, 2011

2011 - We Thought All You Kids Were Gonna Make It

Well I can't believe it's December and time for our end of the year wrap up! And what a year we've had, right? The amount of celebrity split ups in 2011 was staggering, coming in at 121.  We really hope next year, famous people will try a little harder to keep it together, I do have a family to run here! To my Senior Correspondents from around the globe, THANK YOU AGAIN for your tireless reporting, and to those of you who read us regularly, a BIG HUG.  You need this important news reported and we're here to break down the break ups. XOXO

Who knew Mila Kunis and Macaulay Culkin were a couple for 8 years? I sure as hell didn't but sadly, they're kaput.
Rosie O'Donnell and her real life "Mike Brady" Tracy Kachtick split up their bunch of 10(!) kids after only a year.
Rock Stars Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz, parents to Bronx Mowgli (seriously, that's actually his name,) sadly finalized their divorce just this month.

Several uber long marriages hit the rocks this year including Gary Collins and Mary Ann Mobley after a whopping 44 years and Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver after 25 years (and let's not forget the discovery his love child with the housekeeper.)  Tony Danza surprised us by splitting up with his wife of 24 years, Tracey.  Hopefully she showed him who was the boss in the settlement, hardy har har!  81-year old astronaut Buzz Aldrin ended his 23 year mission with Lois Driggs Cannon.

Charlie Sheen cashed in on our blog twice this year, losing 2 of his Goddesses and most of his marbles
.
Winning the award for most searched name on our blog is Luc Carl, former boyfriend of Lady Ga Ga, who's break-up gave me the best subject header ITTKWGMI has ever published-- "No Longer Will He Poke Her Face."  And while I'm discussing subject headers, I can't believe I got no love for the header when Leo Di Caprio and Blake Lively's break-up inspired, "Who's Not Eating Gilbert's Grapes?"  Come on! That's funny!

Jenny Lopez is back on the Block after splitting with Mark Anthony, (but we're waiting patiently for the upcoming break up of her and her backup dancer, we're waiting. Arms crossed, foot tapping. Did she learn nothing with the Cris Judd debacle?)

To be honest, I'm not really sure if Will Smith and Jada Pinkett-Smith are split, I just know, something ain't right up in that relationship.
Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries suck. That's all they get here for their 72 days of nuptials.

Ron Wood - Ronnie Wood
Ron Wood appeared on our blog twice in the less than 2 years we've been up and running, and we just wanted to say, we're honoured and when you're in Wicklow next, please come by for a cuppa, the kettle's always on the boil for you my friend.

The break up of the year has to be............Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher. In our hardest of hearts, we were rooting for ya' kids. But your incessant twit-pic-ing bored us within an inch of our lives and we knew ultimately, you'd wind up in our analls.

So at the risk tempting fate, let's raise a glass and toast to the celebrities who keep it together for the long hall
-- Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson, Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rosdale, Rhea Pearlman and Danny De Vito we salute you!  We really know you kids are gonna make it.

Saturday, December 17, 2011

She Doesn't Care Where the (Kobe) Beef Is....


As I update my end of the year post a FIFTH time since I've written it only a earlier this week, I'm here to report another split.  Vanessa "Stand-by-Her-Man" Bryant has filed for divorce against Lakers star Kobe "Cheats-on-His-Woman-and-Sexually-Harrasses-Colorado-Hotel-Workers" Bryant.  I really thought those kids were gonna make it.


Reports flooded my inbox overnight from as far away as China and North & South Jersey, thanks to my Senior Cheatin' Athlete Correspondents from around the globe.

Friday, December 16, 2011

Country...It Does What It Says on the Tin...


OK we've got a double hitter here. Country person Rodney Atkins has filed for divorce from his wife Tammy Jo Atkins AND we learned on the same day, that a restraining order has been filed against him due to a Nov 21st arrest for domestic abuse.  Ain't nothin' funny here people.  I really thought those kids were gonna make it.


Thanks to my Senior Go-Tammy Jo-Git-them-Dollahs Correspondent in Philadelphia for the newstip.

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Not So Perky...


Newscougar Katie Couric (54) and her boyfriend Brooks Perlin (37) have ended their 5 year relationship.  Apparently they were in "different stages in their careers and the split was inevitable."  I really thought those kids were gonna make it.

Thanks to my Senior Newswoman - Entrepreneur Relationship Correspondent in San Fran for the tip!

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Smize Through the Tears Tyra...

Tyra Banks and John Utendahl - Tyra Banks at the Metropolitan Opera

America's Next Top Model creator, Tyra Banks, has ended her over 3 year relationship with banker John Utendahl.  If you're looking for her, she's currently on a spiritual trip to Bali to take a break and get over her sadness, something tells me she's not "Smizing" right now.

Sunday, December 11, 2011

No Sugar on this Berry...


A veteran of all-girl manufactured pop groups including Sugababes and Atomic Kitten, Heidi Range and presenter Dave Berry have ended their 8 year relationship. The industry and I really thought those kids were gonna make it.

Thursday, December 8, 2011

Dancer Becomes Pennyless...


Dancing With The Stars' pro Karina "Don't Call Me Vodka" Smirnoff and MLB pitcher, Brad Penny have split after 2 years. I really don't care, so as you can see, have put no effort into this important announcement. However, I really thought those kids were gonna make it.

Thursday, December 1, 2011

Snowed...


Olympic ski-gold-medal-winning-bunny Lindsey Vonn is splitting with her husband, former ski bunny, Thomas Vonn.   Something tells me she doesn't eat much pizza or french fries.  I really thought those kids were gonna make it.

Friday, November 25, 2011

Long Stripey Scarf Wearing Women Rejoice...


Daisy Lowe (the 22 year old model daughter of Bush lead singer Gavin Rossdale) and young Dr. Who actor, Matt Smith (29) are no mo.  It took me all day to try to find something clever to say about them, and honestly, I got nothing. I thought those kids were gonna make it.

Monday, November 21, 2011

Contrived Reality Break-Up Inevitably Happens...


Bachelorette couple Ali Fedotowsky and Roberto Martinez have split up after an 18-month engagement. Shock, horror, I really thought those kids were gonna make it.



Thanks to my Senior I Could Give Two Sh*ts About The Bachelor or Bachelorette Correspondent in St Louis for this obvious it was gonna happen newstip.   Notice how I went for the Thanksgiving themed photo? Have a great holiday everybody!!!

Thursday, November 17, 2011

No, We're Not Being Punked...


Well, I certainly should have had this post already written and ready to go, but I surely didn't believe it was actually going to happen. However, let's all bow our heads in a very long moment of silence, as Demi Moore (49) has released a statement to the Associated Press that she is in fact ending her six-year marriage to Ashton Kutcher (33.)  Let's remember the good, (their DNA Foundation to combat human trafficking) the bad, (Kaballah and the fact that he's called her "Wifey" on Twitter for 6 years) and the ugly (Striptease & 2 and a Half Men.)  I really thought those kids were gonna make it. I really really thought so. Sigh.


Special thanks to my Senior Not Real Jew on Not Real Jew Correspondent in St Louis for this extremely late breaking newstip!

No Longer Her Velvet TeddyBear...

Season 2 American Idol winner Ruben Studdard has filed for divorce with his wife of 3 years, Surata Zuri McCants, citing irreconcirable differences, they have no children.  The pair met during one of his album signings in Walmart, dated for 2 years and then wed with 20, count them 20 groomsmen by his side! They were just there to help make him look a little slimmer. I really thought those kids were gonna make it.




Thanks to my Senior American Idol Relationship Correspondent in NJ for the overnight newstip!

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Another Avatar Actor Down...


Actor Joel Moore, (who wins the award for gracing our blog with the Jewiest face ever,) you may remember him as scientist Norm Spellman from Avatar, (then again, you may not,) has split from his wife Kineret Karen Ben Yishay Moore, (who wins the award for gracing our blog with the Jewiest name ever.) They'd been married a little over two years and they have no children.  I really thought those kids were gonna make it.




Thanks to my ever vigilant Senior Jew on Jew Correspondent in NJ for this overnight news tip. 

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Melrose Couple MisPlaced...


TV's own golden couple Heather Locklear and Jack Wagner have confirmed the engagement is off, but it's not confirmed they're actually broken up, so stay tuned people and check back for late breaking and very important news updates. Do you think it's because she stumbled upon his 1984 appearance on Solid Gold?   I really still think these kids are gonna make it.





Thanks to the early newstip from our Senior Ex-Melrose Place Residents Correspondent in Shankhill.

Sunday, November 13, 2011

Avatar Actress has the Blues...


Actress Zoe Saldana has split from fiance of 11 years, entrepreneur, Keith Britton. They have a business together, and have apparently split amicably so don't freak out people, My Fashion Data Base is gonna be ok! Sadly though, I really thought those kids were gonna make it.

Special thanks to my Senior Extra-Terrestrial Pandoran Correspondent from Philadelphia for a newstip she didn't think worthy, but without, we would all be in the dark, thanks for working on a Sunday.

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Who's Chelsea Broken Up With Lately?


Talk show host and lover of vodka, Chelsea Handler has returned to our fair blog as we've just learned the news of her split from boyfriend of one year (and Uma Thurman's ex) hotelier and Richie Mc Richerson, Andre Balasz.   I've said it before and I'll say it again, can't a pretty-funny girl keep a boyfriend???? I thought those kids were gonna make it.

Friday, November 4, 2011

Curbing Her Enthusiasm...


Well we're having a busy week here over at the ITTKWGMI offices. News just in that actress Vivica A Fox (47) and fiancĂ© Atlanta club promoter Omar "Slim" White (28) have broken off their impending nuptials.  Engaged since January and together a year before that, it's not yet confirmed who split from whom, what we can confirm is....we really thought those kids were gonna make it.



Thanks to my super vigilant Senior Giant Knockers-Club Promoter Relationship Correspondent in Philadelphia for this late breaking news tip.

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Taking the Ride in the Relationship Death Cab...


Actress Zooey Deschanel and leader of Death Cab for Cutie, Ben Gibbard have broken up after 2 years of marriage.  Emo girls everywhere rejoice at the news. I thought those kids were gonna make it.

Thanks so much to my Senior Global Actress-Indie Rock Relationship correspondents for chiming in from Philadelphia and Black Rock.

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Sour Grapes and Hard Cheese on the Menu at Le Bec-Fin...


Our Senior Regional Restaurant Relationship Correspondent in Bluebell, PA informed us of the break up of Le Bec-Fin chef Georges Perrier and his wife Andrea Rosenstiehl. Our correspondent felt the Eastern seaboard needed to be informed of this very important information and apologizes to the rest of our worldwide readership who could care less.  The only time I've ever seen the inside of Philadelphia's old school schmancyness is when I worked at the travel agency next door and got change from the bar downstairs, or to drop off an occasional piece of mail. Anyway, I really thought those kids were gonna make it.

Monday, October 31, 2011

Kimpossibly Short...


Really? 72 days, really? I mean, who really thought these kids weren't gonna make it (to another season?) I sure thought they were gonna!  Reality starlet Kim Kardashian and NBA player Kris Humphries are getting a divorce after making only 18-million dollars on their wedding extravaganza.  Let's hope the Kurse of reality TV doesn't affect her sisters!

A very special thanks to my tireless Senior Kardashian Correspondent in Philadelphia, it is a full-time job you know!

Sunday, October 30, 2011

Duffy Has No Mercy....


Singer Duffy has split from her rugby playing tall drink o' water Mike Philips, for the 2nd time, we actually missed it the first time around!  I really thought those kids were gonna make it.

Thursday, October 27, 2011

Balls, Cars and Guidos...




Matt Barnes and Gloria Govan, you may know them from NBA's LA Lakers and VH1's Basketball Wives, have split up.  There's some shite about their twitters that are not even worth cutting and pasting. They're pretty, they'll find new people to annoy, however, I really thought those kids were gonna make it.  There were so many shots to choose from of these two, but I think the matchy-matchy shot above is the classiest.



Ex-Pussycat Doll now X Factor America star Nicole Scherzinger has split from her long-time boyfriend, race car driver, Lewis Hamilton. Their work keeps them apart and they felt it was time to put this puppy to bed.  Apparently this 2nd break-up is for reals.  I really thought these handsome kids were gonna make it.

Ronnie and Sammi of "The Jersey Shore" were spotted out today after grabbing Gelato with the rest of the cast on Collins Ave in Miami where they are filming season 2 of the hit show. They seemed very much together again in front of the cameras as they smiled, laughed and playfully argued. At one point Sammi flipped Ronnie the bird as they walked down the street. The couple who are known for their rollercoaster romance in season one were reportedly split up but today seemed very much together. We look forward to seeing more of the pair together in the sunshine state.

Jersey Shore on again, off again, fighting favourites Sammi Giancola and Ronnie Magro have broken up.  AGAIN.  Enough already, if you say you're done Sammi, be done! See you two next season, cause I really think these kids are gonna make it.

shakira gerard pique parisian pair 02

And I'm seriously late on this one, but thought since we were here I'd be thorough, Shakira has dumped her footballer boyfriend, FC Barcelona star Gerard Pique, because in a shock development for rich, spolied football players, he apparently cheated on her with a younger woman. Even though they've only been together 6 months, I really thought those kids were gonna make it.

I would just like to say, it's been mental here at the ITTKWGMI offices, and I really hope my Senior Correspondents around the globe get crackin' as we were late on every damn one of these stories, you're not relying in ME to keep up with the gossip are you? 

Friday, October 21, 2011

Breakup Not So Superbad...


I missed one! Formerly chubsy ubsy actor, Jonah Hill, has split from his girlfriend Jordan Klein.  Together since 2008, they decided to call it a day.  You rock those horizontal stripes Jonah!  I really thought those kids were gonna make it.

Saturday, October 15, 2011

There's Gonna Be A Teenage Riot...


Following on with our rock and roll break-ups this week, Kim Gordon and Thurston Moore, of Sonic Youth, have split after 27 years! A moment of silence please, cause I thought those kids were definitely gonna make it!!!
Awww don't we look happy? This was at my old fantastic job at Indre Studios when Sonic Youth came for a broadcast recording. We could be related right? Photo by the talented Kathleen Hill

Thank you to my Senior Alt-Rock Relationship Correspondent in Vegas for this tip!


And because one wasn't enough today, Coronation Street actor Michael Le Vell has split with his wife of 25 years, Janette Beverley.  You may recognize him from the recent news as he'd just taken a break from acting to deal with the accusation of sexual assault from a teenage girl who claims it happened when she was 6. Ouch.  I thought those kids were gonna make it.

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

A Rolling Stone Gathers No Brazillian Models...


Tis an honour to have a Rolling Stone grace our blog not once, but twice. Ronnie Wood (64,) has split from his Brazillian model girlfriend, Ana Arujo (32.)  He is apparently taking a "sabbatical" from her as he has been frustrated by her desire to be in the public eye.  But this is my favourite quote, when asked where his girlfriend was at Macca's recent wedding (mazel tov Paul,)  Wood's reply was, "I don't know about that, it's not my bag." She's not his bag anymore!  I really thought those kids were gonna make it.

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

No Glee for Lea...


Glee's Lea Michelle has split from boyfriend, Broadway actor, Theo Stockman. They're gonna stay friends, isn't that swell? I really thought those kids were gonna make it.  Had I not gotten the awesome care package that included the most recent People Magazine, from the uber talented Colleen Mc Farland, I would've completely missed this one! Thanks for the newstip, and I hope you and your talented husband Peter Nova stay far away from this blog!

Friday, October 7, 2011

Sad TV...


Mad TV's Debra Wilson is splitting from her husband, cinematographer, Cliff Skelton, after a five year marriage citing irreconcilable differences, but I ain't one to gossip.  I really thought those kids were gonna make it.



Thanks to my Senior Gossip-Never-Sleeps Correspondent in NJ for the overnight news tip.

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Who's Not Eating Gilbert's Grapes?


Blake Lively and Leo DiCaprio have split up, and thus, by announcing their break-up, they confirm they were actually a couple......And breath.  I really thought those rich and famous kids were gonna make it.

Sunday, October 2, 2011

Take A Walk...


Actress Stacey Dash (Clueless), is now officially divorced from (third) husband and actor-true-a-hole, Emmanuel Xuereb. Ain't nobody gonna hit her in the face and get away with it! Mmm Mmmmm!


Another a-hole to file for divorce this week is Boston Red Sox pitcher John Lackey, who is splitting with his wife Krista who is currently battling breast cancer and recovering from a recent double mastectomy. Apparently a gossip site texted his phone right before a game about these personal matters and he didn't pitch so well that day, guess he can't take the heat.

I really thought all these kids were gonna make it, but with a-holes like that, I think these girls are better off single!

And just to add to this post a little late, famous nobody Katie Price has split from her latest oily beau-hunk, Argentinian model, Leandro Penna after 7 months, and rumours they were about to get hitched.  They had to use the help of a translator to have the heartfelt breakup discussion. He has flown home. She will probably be dating someone new in 3 hours, however, I really thought those kids were gonna make it.  Man does he look like Ricky Martin or wha?