Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Little People, Big Break-Up News...


Matt and Amy Roloff - Even I, with my short-sighted vision, could see these two failed to measure up - but seriously? I really thought these kids were gonna make it!


Country singer Trace Adkins and his wife Rhonda are divorcing after 16 years of marriage, she filed right after he went to rehab.  I think there's a sad song in there somewhere.


Former figure skater Johnny Weir and husband of 2 years, attorney Victor Voronov, will now be skating on separate ponds.



Singer Brandy Norwood and her music exec fiance together- engaged, unengaged, the end.


Glee's Naya Rivera and rapper Big Sean - together 6 months, engaged, unengaged, the end.


Nikki Reed (Twilight) and Paul McDonald (American Idol finalist, does that make him a celebrity?) are separating after two years of marriage. Um, I got nothing here.


Lastly, I swore I wouldn't give these two (I'm not even gonna say their names) the time of day anymore, but, in case you hadn't heard, they split up. Again. FFS. 


I really thought all these kids were gonna make it!  


Thanks to my Senior Break-Up Analyst in NJ for her always breaking news tips, even if it takes me several weeks to write them up!

Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Apple, Moses, there's just too much to work with here...



Out soon, a new Coldplay album packed with miserablist ballads about Gwenyth Paltrow, as after 11 years, she and Chris Martin are calling it quits.  Let me be the first to say,  I really thought these kids were gonna make it.

Thanks to my crack Senior Overrated Actor - Musician Correspondent in Plymouth Meeting, PA for ever vigilant reporting.

Monday, February 24, 2014

Thicke as...


Robin Thicke and Paula Patton are calling it quits y'all. We've all seen their Oprah interview, these kids were making it right? I mean he met her when he was 14? Me thinks it went 1 foam finger too far.  Sigh, I really thought those kids were gonna make it.

Thanks to the crack Senior Twerk-Related Correspondent in Killincarrig, Ireland for the news tip!

Monday, February 10, 2014

Shipwrecked...

OK people I'm back and this time it's personal! There's been a load of breakups since last I posted so let's get to the most important one....

We were all truly bummed to hear that the good ol' Captain & Tenille (they are in their 70's yo) split up after 39 years? Did anyone else hear they split up for health insurance reasons? I think I read that somewhere whilst on our holiday.  Anyway - love clearly didn't keep the together -- *I was contractually obliged to type that.


Real Housewife of NY  Ramona "Crazy-eyes" Singer has split from Mario "I-have-no-idea-how-he-put-up-with-her-so-long" Singer.  27 years of putting up with her, oy vey, we here at the ITTKWGMI offices are Team Mario all the way!  There's some drama here, just google it.


Heidi Klum and bodyguard/boyfriend of a little over 1 year or so, Martin Kirsten, have called it quits. Me thinks she won't be single for long. This story isn't nearly as exciting as when she split with Seal I tells ya.


Vanilla actress/singer Hilary Duff and hockey player Mike Comrie have ended their 3 year marriage amicably.  Yawn.

I really thought all these kids were gonna make it.

I cannot thank my vigilant correspondents from around the globe enough for the amazing amount of reports I received regarding the Cap'n & big T, a special shout-out to my Couple-Duo-Musician-Relationship Correspondent in Englewood, NJ for the earliest report.





Thursday, January 9, 2014

Roundup boredom...

I'm just going to post a bunch of pictures of people you don't really care about that have recently broken up, because we all thought these kids were gonna make it...
Kelly Osbourne & Matthew Mosshart (after 2 years!)
Emma Watson & Will Adamowicz (college sweet hearts!)
Kate Upton & Maksim Chmerkovskiy (who???)
Ariana Grande & Nathan Sykes(ah, they've only been together since September)
Ryan Gosling & Eva Mendes (women rejoice everywhere)


It's official, I've phoned it in....


Friday, December 13, 2013

Khloe says No because of Blow...


It's been quiet here in the ITTKWGMI offices, but we couldn't stay dark today when we learned of the sad news that Khloe and Lam Lam are no more. I mean, when they got married exactly 1 month after they met, how could we all not think that this was going to be a rock solid relationship?  You go girl, he doesn't deserve your not 100% Kardashian fineness. But seriously, I really thought those kids were gonna make it.

And because it's been a while, here's a round up since last we've spoken...




Beautiful people Idina Menzel and Taye Diggs have separated after a decade of marriage. Apparently no one digs.


French actor Jean Dujardin and his wife of four years, Alexandra Lamy, have split. You may remember him from that silent movie I never saw. (That is all).


Francesca Eastwood had her marriage of one week annulled.  She drunkly tied the knot Vegas style to Jonah Hill's brother Jordan Feldstein, who basically looks like Jonah circa 2007. Her father reportedly wasn't sure whether he loaded 5 or 6 bullets.

(Getty Images)

Malin Akerman (Children's Hospital and she is awesome) and her Italian muscian husband of 6 years Roberto Zincone have are separating. She's pretty.

I really thought all these kids were gonna make it, I am also sorry for Jordan Feldstein's sweat stains.

XO

Monday, November 4, 2013

Blooms Wilt...


After five years, Timbaland and his wife Monique Mosley are splitting.  She will be seeking all kinds of cizzash to keep her in the lifestyle to which she has grown accustomed.  


Orlando Bloom and Miranda Kerr have disembarked as well.  Apparently 2 of the 3 years they've been married have been loveless and to go on would be a sham.  He will be setting sail on the seven seas searching for romance again soon...get your bottice fastened ladies.

Thanks to my Senior I'm-So-Sick-of-Writing this Blog Correnspondents in Philly, Delgany and on the North Side for your timely yet used a week later newstips!

Thursday, October 10, 2013

Breaking Up With the Kardashians...


The curse of the reality show strikes yet again, Chris and Bruce Jenner are calling it quits y'all, after 22 years! And yes, I admittedly watch Keeping Up With the Kardashians-- uh, hello, he got himself his own place in Malibu this season, didn't we all see this break-up coming? Let's assume this will make good TV fodder for the next season, (I'll be watching). I really thought these ol' kids were gonna make it.

Thanks to my Decathlete-Momager Relationship Correspondent in St Louis for the newstip!

Thursday, September 26, 2013

Pretty Woeful...


Richard Gere and wife since 2002 Carey Lowell have split and are heading to Divorce Town. Apparently living apart for some time now,  he likes peace and quiet and she's still digging the limelight.  There are no hamsters being cited for the disturbance of this relationship.

inf liam helmsworth miley cyrus jef 130121 wblog Miley Cyrus, Liam Hemsworths Romantic Getaway

And a few weeks back, Twerky Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth split again.  He's already dating a new hottie and sources tell us, she's dating her big foam finger. (I'm sorry.)



I really thought all those crazy kids were gonna make it.


Thanks to my ever vigilant Senior Sad and Fading Disney Star Correspondent in Philly for the news tip 2 weeks ago.

Thursday, August 29, 2013

Unforgiven...


Clint Eastwood (83)-- we really thought his 17-year marriage to former TV news reporter, Dina Ruiz was rock solid, 'til she started filming a reality series, managing a South African Boy band and he started talking to empty chairs at Republican conventions. They are now heading for Splitsville.  I really thought those May-December kids were gonna make my day.

Thanks to my Senior Dirty Harry Correspondent in Delgany for this late-breaking newstip!