2012 Break-Up Round-Up

Another year, another bunch of celebrity relationships take a dive. This is my 2012 "best of" round-up in case you missed the really important news...

Model Heidi Klum and Grammy award-winning singer Seal, who we all thought were rock solid split up in January, I mean, doesn't it feel like yesterday?

The most Newly Eligible Bacholor break-up award goes to Johnny Depp after his split with Vanessa Paradis.  Anyone snag him yet? Doesn't he look like George Harrison in this photo? I smell a biopic...

Creepiest Creep award goes to Hugh Heffner's allegedly abusive son, Marston, who split from Playmate Claire Sinclair. Just ew.

We were all shocked and stunned to read the reports of the split of Bevery Hills 90210's Jennie Garth & Twilight's Peter Facinelli. Stunned.

The most Obvious We KNEW It Was Coming break-up award goes to.......Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, we were routing for you Katie, glad you escaped unscathed with your kid! (I am currently writing the screenplay for the Scientology version of "Not Without My Daughter.")

In the What Broke Our Hearts the Most file...Will Arnett and Amy Poehler & Danny DeVito and Rhea Pearlman - a moment please...

In the we're waiting file: Will & Jada y'all, we're waiting!!  They're not REALLY a couple are they?

Thank you for reading, laughing and reporting on this most ridiculous (yet very important) blog. Everyone at the ITTKWGMI offices wishes you all peace and good health in 2013.

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www.NancyFalkow.Bandcamp.com

Cruising for a Bruzing...

Like we all didn't see this one coming eventually, why, WHY didn't I have this pre-written so I could post it even faster!  It's official via statement from her lawyer, Katie Holmes and Tom "Couch Jumper" Cruise are calling it quitz after 5 years.  Rumour has it, that an unexpected power outage at their "compound" released the shackles long enough for her to escape.  What does the Scientology handbook say, is she allowed to scream now?

Thanks to my Senior Obvious Correspondents in Philly & Phoenixville, PA for the late breaking newstip!

Eva Longoria has split up with Penelope Cruz's little brother Eduardo.  They were together over the last 16 months, they broke up in March, they got back together and now they're breaking up for good. Got it?

I really thought all those kids were gonna make it!