Back to His Hurt Locker...

How'd I miss this very important news? Actress Robin Wright (formerly Sean Penn's wife) and Oscar-winning 'Hurt Locker' producer and nice Jewish boy, Greg Shapiro, have called it a day after their year-ish long relationship .  I really thought those kids were gonna make it. 

Will Holly be at an All Time Low?

Aw, another one proverbially bites it here in Splitsville.  Holly Madison (The Girls Next Door) and her boyfriend Jack Barakat (guitarist, All Time Low, that's a band in case you've never heard of him either) have split amicably.  When a couple meets on Twitter, it means we REALLY thought those kids were gonna make it. Insert sad face emoticon here.

Party's Over for Party Boy...

Early reports in, that Chris Pontius-- "Party Boy," from Jackass, is divorcing his wife Claire Nolan. She's pretty.  They've been married since 2004. That's all she wrote!  I thought those kids were gonna make it.






Thanks for the heads up from my Senior Jackass Correspondent in South Jersey!

Just Walk Away Renee...

Bradley Cooper and Renee Zellweger have called it quits after less than two years together.   What do you think it is about ol' hamster cheeks that she can't keep a good man down, you know what I mean, down in her nether regions?   I really thought those kids were gonna make it.


Thanks to my Senior Rodent Impersonating Actress Relationship Correspondent in North Jersey for the early news tip!

If I knew a thing about Jonas Bros or Twilight There'd Be a Pun Here...

...but it's early, and I don't, sorry...ANYWAY, As much as I want another Jonas brother to be closer to having relations, the sad news is-- the break-up of Joe Jonas and actress Ashley Greene (Twilight) have moved to Splitsville.  I really thought those kids were gonna make it. Darn.

And a Patridge in a Pear Tree...

Not sure how I missed this in the madness earlier this week, but this important "star" couple is off again. The Hills reality gal Audrina Patridge (who apparently has her own show in the works) and her BMX-guy Corey Bohan have split again after last year's reconciliation. We're all very heartbroken about this, because we thought those kids were gonna make it.

Another Break-Up Hat Trick...

Well, I am reminded that break-ups do happen in 3's as a flurry of emails flooded my box overnight to inform me of all the news....and now, I shall inform you, get the tissues...

After two years, Ashley Olsen and Justin Bartha, have called it a day. (Something about her not wanting to wait for him to settle down, and lots of partying on his part on the set of The Hangover 2.)  I find it hard knowing who she is without Mary Kate right next to her, took me a minute to process their bad news.

After TWENTY FOUR years, irreconcilable differences is the reason why Tony and Tracey Danza are calling it quits. (They've been separated since 2006 so we did see this one coming.) This begs the question, Who truly IS the Boss now?

And what will bring a tear to all of your eyes, sit down people--Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel have confirmed they too will be splitting up. They started dating in 2007 and we've been waiting to write this post since, well, 2007.  What about the puppies????


I really thought all these kids were gonna make it, REALLY.


Thanks to my Senior Overnight Gossip Correspondents around the globe in Ireland, Philly, South Jersey and of course Laguna Beach!

Good Byeeeee, Mc Fly....

Dougie Poynter, bassist from Mc Fly, is reportedly in 'rehab' to nurse a broken heart following his split with his girlfriend from girl-band The Saturdays', Frankie Sandford.  They broke up in November. But for some reason this is late-breaking news, and I'm just here to report it folks.  So Boyband Boy and Girlband Girl are breaky-breaky. Boy is sad. Girl has moved on to West Ham footballer Wayne Bridge.  I think THOSE kids are gonna make it, let's wait and see.

What an Esebag...

2 months after giant-lipped, Australian model Sophie Monk (31) said "Yes" to millionaire 50-year-old American businessman Jimmy Esebag, she has called it off.  I really thought those kids were gonna make it.  

Who's Gonna Get the Little House on Their Prairie?

OK, SERIOUSLY, a pillar of Hollywood relationships are these kids, and I truly thought they were gonna make it!  Melissa Gilbert (Little House on the Prairie/Lifetime Movie Actress Extraordinaire) and Bruce Boxleitner (Babylon 5/ and a butt-load of Lifetime Movies as well), have announced today that they have separated after 16 years! Damn!




Thanks to my Senior B-List Actor Correspondent from Goatstown, Dublin for the tip.

Here's a Story, Of 2 Lovely Ladies, Who Were Bringing Up 10 Children of their Own...

Rosie O'Donnell has broken up with Tracy Kachtick-Anders, they'd been together for a year and lived next door to each other, combining both their families, Rosie's 4 kids and Tracy's 6, which Rosie regarded as a real life "Gay-dy Bunch."  But dry your tears people, Rosie will be back up on the horse quicker than a mad rush for Melissa Etheridge concert tickets! .I thought those kids were gonna make it.

Thanks to my Senior Alternative Combined Family Relationship Correspondent in NJ for the tip!

Four is the Loneliest Number...

Although I truly have no idea who Alex Pettyfer and Dianna Agron are, I still need to report the news.  "I Am Number Four" stars, who supposedly may have been engaged, have called it quits. I'm not sure if this is good or bad for their movie out now, but we're all talking about them, so, there you have it.  I thought those kids were gonna make it!


Edited:  Thanks to my Senior Corrections Correspondent in Letterkenny, Co Donegal, it was pointed out to me that yer wan is the Cheerleader from Glee, you know, the one who was up the duff. So now I know one of them. Thanks!

Break-Up Without A Trace...

22-year old model, Lily Cole, has broken up with actor boyfriend of two and a half years,  Enrique Murciano (Without A Trace,) 37.   Hopefully she'll do some comfort eating and make the rest of us feel just a little bit better about ourselves.  I really thought these two were gonna make it.


Thanks to my Senior Next to Me On the Couch Correspondent in Co. Wicklow for the breaking tip about these nobodies.

Jenny's Back in Biz....

I'm a few days late on this one, but it isn't all that important anyway.  Jenny Mc Carthy is back on the market again as she has broken up with her Boston-based, short term love interest, sports agent, Paul Krepelka. He's pretty. I really thought those kids were gonna make it.

Ashlee's Had A Fall Out With her Boy...

Well, well, well, I have to admit, I was waiting for this one.  Singer/Actress (and younger sister of Jessica,) Ashlee Simpson, has filed for divorce from former Fall Out Boy bassist Pete Wentz, citing irreconcilable differences.  I just hope baby Bronx will be ok, I'm glad they didn't have any other Burroughs, I mean kids.
I really thought those kids were gonna make it.


Thanks to my Senior Manufactured Artists Correspondent in Hamilton, NJ for the tip!

No Sh*t Sherlock...

Just when I thought it was safe to go to bed, for the fourth break-up announcement today, we learn that, Jude Law and Sienna Miller have parted ways! Please let this be the last we hear of these idiots.  On for 2 years then they split in 2006 (nanny-gate,) off for 3 years, then back together in 2009 and now off again. I'm exhausted from these people. Make it stop. It hurts to eek out the words but, uh, I thought those kids were gonna make it.

Thanks to my Senior Compulsive Relationship Relapser Correspondent in Beijing, China.

Paging Dr Divorce...

Olivia Wilde (House M.D.) has called it a day with husband Tao Ruspoli, son of the late Italian Prince Dado Ruspoli.  I wonder if  when you're married to a Prince's son, in a fight you can refer to him as a royal pain in the A$*! She eloped with him at age 18...did you really think they were gonna make it?

AND...

Professional skateboarder Tony Hawk filed for divorce from his 3rd wife,  lingerie store owner, Lhotse Merriam.  Who's lining up to be wife number 4? Stay tuned... 

I really thought all these kids were gonna make it.

Thanks to my Senior On-Top-Of-All-Things-Gossip Correspondent in North Jewsey for the tipoff!

Ridge Between Ed and Midge...

Well, this may just be for the Philadelphians, but good ol' Ex-Govenor (Ex-Philly Mayor) Ed Rendell and his wife, U.S. Appellate Judge Marjorie “Midge” Rendell, have called it quits after FORTY years! They announced it via email and this is my favourite quote:
“Please do not hesitate to include both of us in social occasions as we will not find it awkward or uncomfortable.”  Signed - Ed and Midge
Awwwww, they still want to go to all tomorrow's parties, we really thought these kids were gonna make it!


Thanks to my Senior Former Mayoral Relationship Correspondent in Philly for the overnight tip.

Divorce...Nobody Said It Was Easy...

Coldplay's Chris Martin is gutted after the end of his parents’ 30-year marriage.  Reports are now surfacing that Martin’s father Anthony, 69, a millionaire retired accountant and magistrate, has now begun a new relationship.   His Mom (Mum), Alison, 57, is currently renting a small flat in London where she is working as a music therapy teacher (she needs to work? Really?) Sources close to the family have suggested that her devout religious beliefs may have contributed to the break-up.  Damn, I really thought those kids were gonna make it.

I Fell In Love With A Band...

I know, I know, they're not a REAL couple (at least anymore) but we're sad to hear of the break-up of the coolest formerly married-posing-as-siblings-rock duo the world had seen, The White Stripes. Rock on Meg and Jack, we thought you kids were gonna make it.